It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
