i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
