is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
