using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
