he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
