No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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