I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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