I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
