Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
