And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
