never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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