He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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