i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
