bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
