I'd wear matching sweaters with you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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