Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
