im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
