so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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