Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
