One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
