Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
