Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
