I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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