if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
