He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
