we're making bets on your personal life
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
