is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
