she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
wow bdsm is so cute
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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