How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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