He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
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Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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