Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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