You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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