There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We smell like vodka and hangover
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