i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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