Taylor Swift is so right about you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
