So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
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I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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