Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
