How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize