lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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