Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize