i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Too much gin, very little bucket
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
