I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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