Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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