is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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