Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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