lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
