so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
