I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize