so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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