Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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