your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
