Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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