she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
