I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
