I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
