remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
