She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
