Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
