i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
