All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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