Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
