maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
