Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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