Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
