70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Damn victory sex feels great
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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