Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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