Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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