I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
