Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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