I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
