you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
