Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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