we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
