I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
two words...techno handjob
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
