hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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