I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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