i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
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Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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