i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
