i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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