I want to stick my p in your. b.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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