Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Randomize
