I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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